I LOVE WHAT I DO

<< I, Afua Hassan am very lucky. The universe has seen fit to partner me with a profession that I love: MIDWIFERY. Even when I am completely exhausted, disappointed or just feel like being in the bed and watching television, when the phone rings and a mom is on the other end with a question, concern or possibly in labor , I get energized. As a midwife, I get invited to go on a journey of pregnancy,labor,birth and years after the event. A returning client came in the office the other day to register. It was like a reunion. We reminisced about her first homebirth. She was 7 cm when I walked in. We had to hustle to get the pool up and within 2 hours her little gift arrived. This visit, we heard the heartbeat for the first time and our journey was confirmed. This is one big family at The Birthing Place. Moms gather for group prenatal where we share stories, get needed information laugh and get fed all in a two hour span of time. One day a dad asked me when they would be able to share, so the dads group was born. What I like about this community is that families get together and spend time outside of The Birthing Place. Right now two of may dads are in Las Vegas having a good time. Families have even had their second babies together and since they spent time together in their first pregnancies they have built in friends and a support system. My advice to all pregnant moms is to explore what you want/need in a healthcare provider. If you don't know what that is, spending time interviewing as many healthcare providers that you need until you find the right fit. Have a list of question of at least 10 question to ask them all. Record the consultation if you are not a good note taker. REMEMBER: You only get to birth this baby one time. There are no do overs. Just the next baby. THE BIRTH YOU WANT IS SOMETHING TO WANT

The Birthing Place: to give birth and have a baby are not the same thing

In 2011 I I got approved to have a licensed birth center. My homebirth practice was already called The Birthing Place. I use to get calls all the time because woman thought that it was a birth center. I choose the name because after about 15 years of practice I realized that many woman did not believe that they could actually give birth. Their introduction to the medical model of care left women feeling that they needed a building called a hospital and an person called a doctor to give birth. mY GOAL WAS AND IS TO INFORM WOMAN THAT THEY CAN GIVE BIRTH ANY WHERE. Giving birth, though it is a physical phenomenon it is also a mental state of being that I feel women need to connect with. During prenats my clients and I spend time talking about reaching the state of being of giving birth. The reality is that to give birth and a process and to have a baby is a procedure. As midwives. we join a woman on her journey to give birth. We monitor her prenatally to encourage her to eat properly, get adequate rest and to adjust to the ever changing stresses of life. I try to get my moms to laugh as much as possible to lighten load from the new normals. What I hear from woman who go to the doctor is that they are told what to do and what IS GOING TO HAPPEN BEFORE IT HAPPENS. " " We need to induce because the baby is growing to big . If you go past 41 weeks the placenta has deteriorated and will not withstand the riggers of labor so lets cut the baby out. There is a tool (biophysical profile) that can be performed that tells us the health of the placenta." I can go on and on about the the difference between having a baby and giving birth. All I want you to get out of this read is that there is a difference and you should choose which arena best suits your needs. Do not think that you can go to one store and get a service that that store does not offer because you will be disappointed. DO YOUR RESEARCH

Thoughts about your upcoming birth

I had a consult the other day and I asked the 30 something week mom how she pictured her birth. She was very direct in saying that she did not want to poop while she was giving birth. After a short anatomy lesson I told her that it was very common for women to have a bowel moment while pushing. But she was very insistent that she did not want this to be her fate. Her husband could not understand why she would even be concerned about the possibility of it happening. So moms think about how many of you first time moms thought about pooping while you where pushing the baby out. I can remember a mom missing out on having the water birth that she wanted because when it was time to push she insisted on going to the toilet because she did not want any floaties in the water. I tried to convince her that the baby was ready to come ( and it was) but she knew that she had more than a baby to push out on to the toilet. And sure enough before the head came out mushy feces came out. I do not think that it would have floated. Ok ladies let's have some straight talk. Your colon is right behind the baby's head. And if there is any waste products in the colon as you push out your precious cargo the waste products come out also. It is important that you understand that you are using the same muscles to push the baby out that you use to push out your feces. There have been times that a woman has not wanted to push for fear of the feces. I have had to spend valuable time convincing a woman to let go and push. Is there anything that can be done to avoid this from happening. The only real option that I know of is once your midwife says that you are in labor you can get an enma. If you do it yourself, hold the soapy water in for as long as possible to give your self the best chance of emptying the colon as much as possible. So, if you find yourself in the category of women who fear pooping and birthing realize sometimes they go hand and hand but the sooner you push the sooner you have your baby and the sooner everyone can get cleaned up. Happy birthing,pooping and pushing. Afua Hassan The birth that you want, is something to want.

GAME CHANGER

As a midwife and mother, I have learned that pregnancy,childbirth and parenting are significant game changers. However, I was faced with the ultimate game changer in June of this year...one that changed my life forever. I was fortunate to have my last two children graduate from high school this year. Both boys (Atiba mm and Obioma) graduated from highly accredited schools in Massachusetts and Minnesota. Luckily the graduation ceremonies were a week a part so I booked a flight for both. In the weeks leading up to the graduations I was feeling under the weather but I was determined to see my sons walk across the stage. They had overcome so much in the four years...they lost their sister to cancer right before leaving for high school and managed to maintain an A/B grade point averages and had impeccable behaviour the entire time. I attributed my symptpons to menopause and was determined to be there to congratulate them and let them know how proud I was.June 1st finally arrived and Obioma made it to Groton and I had a grand time at Atiba's graduation. I made it back to Houston just in time to catch a baby and prepare for the next trip. The following weekend Atiba and I had plans to go to Minnesota for Obioma's graduation. Within that week the symptions that I was experiencing (weight loss, fatigue and constipation) lead me in another direction..the emergency room at Ben Taub. Needless to say, I did not make it to Minnesota. How do I tell my my last born child I won't be there on this very special day? What could stand in the way of my making this trip of a lifetime. I arrived at Ben Taub expection a long wait, a few test and a simple diagnosis, however, On Sunday June 8th 2014 armed with blood work and ultrasound, I was moved to the front of the line in triage and informed that more test were needed. I had to have an immediate blood transfusion...one turned into two. Blood transfusion, tests weight loss fatigue... The ultimate game changer... the unexpected game changer... Spleenic Lymphoma... Cancer After 4 outpatient heart to heart sessions with chem, I was declared asymptomatic, not in remission and not cured, but no symptoms. Those definitions are not assigned to my kind of cancer because I was told that it will come back. That was just the introduction. On my quest to understand my new life's journey my sisters surrounded me. tori prepared my sons. Bridget counseled my daughter, Haleemah rallied the team and Sadiyah helped me to see the light. If you know me, Sadiyah had the most difficult job because I had no idea what the dark looked like and definitely did not think I needed to be in the light or enlightened. Changing the game meant I had to learn to forgive. Sounds easy but I promise you that that concept ws not in my DNA. As I write these words now, the pain that I experienced when I first delved into my journey of self discovery came back. It is a pain in my heart that only got relieved when I tapped on my heart...I literally tapped my chest for relief. Please understand the pain was not associated with the cancer. It was related to the fact that I needed to forgive. Tn the beginning I was resistant. When my mind said no to the concept of forgivness my heart would ache and the tapping would begin. I was in a restaurant waiting on my to-go order and I begain to tap on my heart because of my thoughts. A woman at the next table told me to let go of whatever was troubling me because it will give me cancer. I looked her in her eyes and told her I already have it. Again she said "Let it go". Did my inability to forgive nourish my cancer? In the beginning, I was so blind that I asked Sadiyah what did forgivenss look like. After a series of sessions, she helped me to understand that the anger/dissippointment/pain that I had for my failed marrige had built up toxins in my mind,body and spirit. The only way to release them was through forgiveness. (As I type these words I have a faint reminder of the pain in my heart...A testament to the power of forgiveness.) The reason that I am sharing my experience is because I did not know that I was in as much pain about that relationship. I thought I had moved on with my life and healed from the experience. I was oh so wrong. The healing began when I forgave myself for being in the relationship and when I was able to forgive my ex-husband for not being able to love me the way I needed to be loved. The pain in my heart stopped completely in September. Now I am working on the rest of my life. For the first time I am anticipating my new healthy relationship this is coming and blossoming. I am putting the energy into The Birthing Place, my birthing center and I am energized to take it to the next level. I also am enjoying and appreciating the adults that my children are turning into. My cancer diagnosis was the game changer. It was a blessing because the ultimate game changer was learning to forgive. Forgiveness made me asymptpmatic of cancer and has freed me to love and be loved unconditionally.

The Hospital is Not for Everybody

When I first became a midwife I remember saying all the time "Homebirth is not for everybody." As midwives we are always defending our position that birth is normal, pregnancy is not an illness. Like today, most people were afraid of out of hospital birth and because they knew nothing about it thought that it was unsafe and a woman must be crazy to attempt such a feat. Today those thougths are still prevailent but there are more women who chose to have their babies outside of the hospital. I decided to write this blog because as midwives more and more women are coming to our offices upset, crying, dissappointed because of their hospital experiences. Why is that? When a women finds herself pregnant the first thought is I have to find a doctor. After that, the majority of women leave the rest of their care in their doctors hands. Instead of being cared for a woman's pregnacy is managed. They do not question the ultrasounds at 5 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks, 32 weeks and of course you need one at 39 weeks because you have not gone into labor. When moms are given prenatal vitimins they are often also prescribed stool softeners because of the ill effects of the vitimins. Why not start with vitimins that do no harm? Many times there is no partnership in the relationship between doctor and patient. I don't have patients I have clients. One of the first understanding is that we are a team. The mom is the captain, The dad is the first mate and I am an advisor. We work together to achieve the best outcome. The stories that midwives hear from moms about their hospital experiences are varied, but there are two common themes: (1) I did not understand what I was agreeing to and (2) they did not listen to me. Ok moms, I understand you do not want an out of hospital birth. But it is so important for you to know what you are signing up for. Most doctors believe that the way they practice is the most efficient way to get the baby out. (Let's not forget: in a timely manner also). The actual process of labor is not that important because they rarely allow women to labor on their own with not interventions. My perspective of labor is that it is a story that sometimes is not revealed until much later. With my first child, Chinue I was in labor for 48 hours. Ayanna, my midwife asked me what was the matter. Out of the blue I responded I just want him to be my friend. She called him and came over. He put his hands on my shoulders and the baby came out. My second daughter was having none of that. Friend or no friend she made her exist in 5 hours. She wanted to eat at 3 months I told her to get some teeth and you can have some food. She woke up one morning at 4 months old with 4 teeth. No fever or drooling before hand, two on the top and two on the bottom. At nine months she decided to stop breastfeeding. I kept putting the breast in her mouth and she looked at me like, "Didn't I tell you I was done." We were so close so at 15 years old when I found out that she was sexually active I was mad as hell. I blew up like a Black mom can. Little did I know that 6 weeks after graduating from high school Maya would have a pain in her back and a month later be diagnosed with stage 4 osteosarcoma. I surely could not have predicted that she would be dead and ten months. In my time of reflection I have my pregnacy and labor to refect on. Maya had things to do. She did not waste a minute of it in her short life. I am so glad that she had sex when she did because she might not have experienced it. So once again I say that the hospital is not for every body. More and more women would like to experience birth, not have it managed and medicated. If you are one of those women, the next time someone asks you why would like want an out of hospital birth just tell them the hospital is not for everybody. Love you, Afua Hassan a midwife follows the path of a normal birth

Adjusting to the new normal

As we spend time during the holidays I have a sugguestion: ...adjust to the new normal.  Every new day presents us with the opportunity of acknowledging that there is a new normal.  Examples:
1.  Your toddler advanced to underwear.  Yeah!!!!! But when you go to the store you have to take him/her to the bathroom.  Now if your child has a nice size bladder you wouln't have to go that much.  But if your child has a itty bitty bladder you will dread going to the store.
2.  You are a first time mom and you are not use breastfeeding in public.
3.  You are exhausted because you are a new mom
4.  You have three children and you started dating again.
5.  Happiness has taken over you life because you are pregnant then you lose your job because the company moved out tof the country. and you did not follow Suzie O's advise by making sure you had eight months worth of funds in a liquid account to use for bills.


The list is endless.  After the shock of  the change, adjust to it. Then make a plan for the new normal.  Many times we stay in the shock of the new normal  for so long, that we lose precious time.We enter a mist that turns into a fog over a period of time.  If you can acknowledge the the new normal and adjust to it you might not even get misty.  But if you look up and you are in the fog with with a feeling of no way out the first thing to do is to ACKNOWLEGE THE NEW NORMAL THEN ADJUST TO THE NEW NORMAL. (if that fails ask for help)

If you have any questions visit my website at thebirthingplace.com or email me at ahassan@thebirthingplace.com

As we spend time