The Hospital is Not for Everybody

When I first became a midwife I remember saying all the time "Homebirth is not for everybody." As midwives we are always defending our position that birth is normal, pregnancy is not an illness. Like today, most people were afraid of out of hospital birth and because they knew nothing about it thought that it was unsafe and a woman must be crazy to attempt such a feat. Today those thougths are still prevailent but there are more women who chose to have their babies outside of the hospital. I decided to write this blog because as midwives more and more women are coming to our offices upset, crying, dissappointed because of their hospital experiences. Why is that? When a women finds herself pregnant the first thought is I have to find a doctor. After that, the majority of women leave the rest of their care in their doctors hands. Instead of being cared for a woman's pregnacy is managed. They do not question the ultrasounds at 5 weeks, 12 weeks, 20 weeks, 32 weeks and of course you need one at 39 weeks because you have not gone into labor. When moms are given prenatal vitimins they are often also prescribed stool softeners because of the ill effects of the vitimins. Why not start with vitimins that do no harm? Many times there is no partnership in the relationship between doctor and patient. I don't have patients I have clients. One of the first understanding is that we are a team. The mom is the captain, The dad is the first mate and I am an advisor. We work together to achieve the best outcome. The stories that midwives hear from moms about their hospital experiences are varied, but there are two common themes: (1) I did not understand what I was agreeing to and (2) they did not listen to me. Ok moms, I understand you do not want an out of hospital birth. But it is so important for you to know what you are signing up for. Most doctors believe that the way they practice is the most efficient way to get the baby out. (Let's not forget: in a timely manner also). The actual process of labor is not that important because they rarely allow women to labor on their own with not interventions. My perspective of labor is that it is a story that sometimes is not revealed until much later. With my first child, Chinue I was in labor for 48 hours. Ayanna, my midwife asked me what was the matter. Out of the blue I responded I just want him to be my friend. She called him and came over. He put his hands on my shoulders and the baby came out. My second daughter was having none of that. Friend or no friend she made her exist in 5 hours. She wanted to eat at 3 months I told her to get some teeth and you can have some food. She woke up one morning at 4 months old with 4 teeth. No fever or drooling before hand, two on the top and two on the bottom. At nine months she decided to stop breastfeeding. I kept putting the breast in her mouth and she looked at me like, "Didn't I tell you I was done." We were so close so at 15 years old when I found out that she was sexually active I was mad as hell. I blew up like a Black mom can. Little did I know that 6 weeks after graduating from high school Maya would have a pain in her back and a month later be diagnosed with stage 4 osteosarcoma. I surely could not have predicted that she would be dead and ten months. In my time of reflection I have my pregnacy and labor to refect on. Maya had things to do. She did not waste a minute of it in her short life. I am so glad that she had sex when she did because she might not have experienced it. So once again I say that the hospital is not for every body. More and more women would like to experience birth, not have it managed and medicated. If you are one of those women, the next time someone asks you why would like want an out of hospital birth just tell them the hospital is not for everybody. Love you, Afua Hassan a midwife follows the path of a normal birth